A Little House On The Hill: Carmella's Story
My sister-in-law, Carmella, is the kind of mama who is just as excited to see the moon peek over the horizon as her two year old son. She sees the magic in the details of this world and is quick to sprinkle that magic on those around her, and to dance with them in its wonder. When you are with her, you get a clear sense that her heart delights in the beauty of life and its Creator.
"Thank you, Kate, for capturing what I truly feel is the most remarkable thing I've done and accomplished in giving birth naturally and being able to feed, nurture and help my baby grow with my own breasts. I feel extremely blessed that God allowed me to be able to experience the best part about being a women. God creating me to be able to create, birth and care for another human being is a miracle... God gave us women a strength that I feel far surpasses any man in the fact that as soon as our babies are conceived we are holding a weight for the rest of our lives, and by weight I mean a LOVE so strong you could kill- pure exhaustion but never letting it stop us from caring for our families/friends, our home, & our careers- birthing pains to help welcome your precious gift into the world- a weight of overflowing emotion that comes from the first time we see our baby's face and never leaves for each day our baby grows. And with that, there are new faces, smiles, noises, movements, accomplishments and goals achieved that make us so happy and proud. The Lord is my strength and through Him all things are possible. I thank Him and praise Him for this beautiful healthy baby and for forming me in such a way to sustain him. WE WOMEN ROCK!"
The note above was something I had written about 2 years ago, after having my first son... what inspired me to write that was a night of the stomach flu where I was weak, constantly getting sick and still having to nurse and take care of my sweet little babe. I remember trying so hard to warm up some chicken broth and in between opening it, pouring it into the pot and waiting for it to heat up I would be lying on the kitchen floor from weakness, and dehydration but yet still was able to nurse, hold and change my baby's diaper and thought to myself...wow. Since then I have been blessed with another healthy and handsome boy. I was able to birth naturally again and this time delivered my baby myself. Pulling him out and holding him up and able to announce to my husband it was another boy will be one of my greatest memories. But writing this and thinking even though I was physically strong mentally and emotionally I was weak... very weak. Kate has inspired me in so many ways and is someone I look up to and adore. Hearing her story on her blog about her monster has encouraged me to share about mine. It has also helped me rearrange my thinking, we all know each other and bits and pieces of one person but you never really know their monster. My monster is/ was fear and anxiety. Which again, if people "know" me they know that but a lot, if not all of you don't know the monster that was over taking my life. My world had become so small that some days I wouldn't even leave our bedroom, yes trapped in my own house where I didn't feel safe! As my first son was getting older and more aware I didn't want to put any of my fears or thoughts in him so it was time to seek help, and especially now having a second son there's no way our room would be big enough to hold my two crazy awesome boys. My church and their women's bible study, my mother in law, and my dear friend Erin, were all such huge blessings to me. I don't think they realized how much they were/are because again I've never shared how small and hard my life was getting. But even then it came to a point where I needed to seek professional help. I thank God, I did seek and I did find God's peace and love and goodness. I still struggle here and there, but I feel like I can live life again, I feel like I somewhat have my life back again. Being a mother has been one of the best, yet craziest journeys so far in my life and the boat just sailed. But the emotions and the hormones that come into play are sometimes hard to run on and hard to ignore. Not sure if I'm going to be able to hit this home well since both boys just woke up and automatically your brain just blanks but as Mother's Day is coming up, know that when we give God our weaknesses he gives us His strength. I hope you all have a blessed and happy Mother's Day.
Creating a home out of their little house on the hill...
P.S. It's my brother, John Michael's Birthday today so I just have to give a shout out! Happy Birthday to my sweet little brother whose tender heart and jovial spirit makes be fall in love with you over and over again like I did when I first met you.
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